Yes, you know the list I’m talking about. The one that lays down exactly what I’m looking for in a guy -the ultimate one. The one I’ve been waiting for but hasn’t shown up …yet. Notice how I say YET. That means I still believe in him. I just don’t know how or when he will appear. Maybe he needs some help, to know that I know exactly what I want and won’t settle for any less, … than HIM.
Maybe I’ve confused him. Maybe just as he is about to show up, I hang out with a guy who doesn’t have any of the qualities that I want. And then MY guy thinks… hmmm… she’s not ready for me. So he ends up having to wait a little longer until I figure it out. No. Don’t wait! I am ready. Sometimes I mess up, because I lose my patience. But I still believe in you… I want to make it clear who you are and what I want. And what better time, than tonight- when I am at home on Valentine’s Day… without you, again.
I know what you’re thinking. You can’t just bare the whole list right here on the internet for all to see. Surely that’s a little pathetic, and maybe narcissistic? Or what if a guy ‘cheats’ and finds the list, and just tries to pretend to be all the things on it? Wouldn’t I rather keep it a secret? Won’t I seem desperate, naive, or too picky by making this list in the first place?
First off, a guy could never pretend to be all these things. If I am not able to see through it right away, there is only so long you can actually pretend to be real. And that’s the first and foremost quality I want in my guy- someone real, someone authentic, someone who is not afraid to be himself, to be unique. And someone who loves the real me, allows me to just be me as well.
And you know what my true self is saying right now?! Screw it! Let the list out for all to see. You don’t care about what other people think, anyway. You just want HIM to see it. And maybe that way, the Universe won’t miss a thing if there is a clear, written record of it right here.
After all the crazy dates, and heartache, and frustration and dead ends I have faced in ‘love’, if you could even call it that, I still, believe it or not, think HE is out there. I can feel it. And maybe this list will make him feel it too, make it easier for him to find me. I know I was often chasing the wrong guys or making space for those who didn’t necessarily deserve it. Maybe without all those ‘wrong’ paths taken, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate or recognize the right one when it and he comes walking along it towards me.
So… here goes- the qualities that the guy of my dreams will have. I’m going to make him come true.
- Authentic
- Loving
- Affectionate
- Humanitarian
- Compassionate towards a variety of cultures and classes.
- Sees everyone as equal. Doesn’t treat the waitress as less than a doctor or a lawyer.
- Doesn’t hit on the waitress (or any other females) while we our out to dinner, or even while he is not with me, unless I am pretending to be a waitress. Haha!
- Believes in monogamy and is a one woman kind of guy. Faithful, loyal.
- Honest
- Grateful- no matter how much he has, he always can appreciate the little things and gives to those who are less fortunate.
- Spiritual- believes in a higher being.
- Loves music- preferably RnB, soul, anything funky or acoustic ballads, jazz. Basically, he has great taste in music!
- Has beautiful eyes. I can’t stop staring at them. I get lost in them.
- Is a great kisser.
- Believes in holding hands.
- Is sensual
- Has an incredible touch
- Likes to sleep in with me when he can
- A real cuddler
- Is ambitious and passionate about something in his life. Something that is healthy and drives him.
- Thinks out of the box but also believes in healthy boundaries.
- Believes in me, stands up for me and is always supportive of me.
- Doesn’t do any kind of drugs. Doesn’t need it or believe in it. He would rather walk the straight path and knows there is value in working through emotions and struggles in a more authentic way.
- Appreciates the arts.
- Likes to go to theater shows with me.
- Has hobbies and interests that are different to mine but that I can learn from. Gives us something to learn from each other.
- Likes movies.
- Is attractive to me.
- Beautiful lips.
- Young at heart.
- Has respect for my mom, even though he has never met her. Understands how important she is to me, and does things to honor that relationship or help me continue to connect with her. Understands that he needs to treat my mother’s daughter (me) with love and respect, to honor the love my mother gave me. I have dreams of him buying me a car with my mom’s license plate on it. Or opening up a shop- maybe a tea shop- named after my mom. Or… us having a wedding largely in honor of my mom- making her dream come true to have her daughter get married and find a loving relationship.
- Believes in marriage and is excited about marrying me.
- Believes in life after death or some connection with that world.
- Supports my love of dance.
- Dances with me, even if it just in our living room or on romantic nights out.
- Takes me out on dates, no matter how long we are together.
- Doesn’t expect me to change, but helps me grow.
- Inspires me.
- Is educated.
- Has a car.
- Can dress casually or dress up for a fancy night out. Looks good in jeans and a t-shirt, or a suit and tie.
- Has nice arms- firm, built, toned, and protective around me.
- He is funny.
- Is witty.
- Loves to travel.
- Has a beautiful smile and dimples.
- His voice makes me melt. Either because of its depth, its compassion or maybe he has a sexy accent?
- Accepts me for all parts of me.
- Is financially stable but not ruled by materialism.
- Uses kind words, even if we are arguing.
- Never swears at me, and uses swear words sparingly.
- Is not homophobic or racist.
- Loves children and animals.
- Has protective, but gentle hands that I could hold all day and all night long.
- Runs his fingers through my hair.
- Believes in romance and is romantic.
- Makes me breakfast in bed.
- Gives me goosebumps.
- Can’t wait to get home to him.
- Loves my absentmindedness and idosyncricities.
- Surprises me with sweet little messages, cards, kisses gifts, or adventures.
- Writes me real letters, handwritten. And calls instead of texts, unless they are cute flirty texts to brighten up my day.
- Can hold his own in a group of people from all walks of life.
- He likes talking to, and including, people who might otherwise be ignored.
- He likes the moon and stars.
- He gives great massages but only to me! Haha! And I he loves my massages that I give only to him.
- He is not friends with his exes but doesn’t have hatred for them either.
- He makes it very clear that I am his one and only.
- He doesn’t need outside attention or approval to make decisions.
- He is masculine but not controlling or abusive in any way.
- He is curious. Likes to learn new things.
- He makes me feel at home but never bores me.
- I could do nothing with him, and have so much fun.
- Is articulate.
- Hugs me from behind.
- Gives me kisses on my forehead.
- Massages my feet.
- Likes curling up with me on a couch or anywhere for that matter.
- Makes me laugh.
- Gives me a lot of attention.
- Has a beautiful soul.
- Is playful
- Kisses me in the rain.
- Respects and takes an interest in my heritage and background as well as my interests, as I would his.
- Wants to grow old with me but we never really feel old together.
- Doesn’t want to live without me. Doesn’t let me go. And I don’t want to live without him.
- He cherishes little things and little moments especially with me.
- We compliment each other. We know we were meant to be.
- Other people admire our relationship. We give others hope and make others smile because of our love.
- He’s fun but not irresponsible.
- He’s easy to talk to but also we can sit in silence and it is the most beautiful silence.
- I love his laugh.
- He is my best friend.
- He stays up with me when I need it. And I love waking up to him.
- I feel so proud standing next to him. He is so proud to have me on is arm.
- He walks with me arm in arm. Kisses my hand and caresses my arms or back, even when we are out with other people. Not afraid of public displays of affection.
- I feel so safe and cherished in his arms.
- He never makes me cry, unless it is something so sweet he has done for me that they are good tears.
- He wipes away and kisses away my sad tears.
- He sits on the same side of the booth with me when we are at a restaurant.
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