Absence does NOT make my heart grow fonder. Have I already written about this before? Well, here it goes again then, but this time, louder. It seems that some guys didn’t quite hear me the first time.
I used to think that there were certain qualities in a guy that I was looking for. You girls know what I mean- the “list”. The one with all the physical and emotional and spiritual traits of our ideal guy. Over the years, tall, dark and drop dead gorgeous got shoved down and replaced by authentic, honest and ambitious.
Don’t worry It’s not that I didn’t think honesty or being genuine were important when I was younger. Of course I did. But time and experience and just life in general puts things in real perspective. And so those inner qualities became the ones that actually made me more attracted to a guy than most of the outer qualities I may have first seen when I was younger.
But now, call it a third stage or something like that in my life, but there’s this very sexy, but sadly rare quality in a guy that draws me more than any other: a guy who shows up. A guy who is consistent. A guy who chooses me, and isn’t at all unclear about that choice.
Those of you who know me know I’ve never been into games when it comes to relationships. But that thing about “don’t call the girl too quickly after a date, or you might look desperate or needy,” well, that’s not true. At least not in my dating book. In fact, if you even just CALL rather than text, I am singing a freaking hallelujah! Seriously, why is it so hard to find a guy who picks up the phone and wants to hear your voice and share his?
And if you make that call right after a date, or the very next day- I find that a turn on. You heard me. A turn on. And you want to know what turns me off? A guy who has to wait, who has to “try to play it cool” and wait a few days or “act busy.” Because guess what, buddy? If I don’t hear from you in too long, I don’t think you’re cool. I think you’re a moron. You might be busy, but that doesn’t impress me. Because what good is your busyness if you decide that I’m not important enough to slot in there somewhere in your schedule?
Because isn’t that what the fun of relationship lies? Isn’t that the beauty of getting to know someone? As my friend Hema so perfectly put it, “You want those guys who are mad to see you again, especially at the beginning.” Yes, exactly! (By the way, “mad” in this case, is like that “crazy, excited kind of mad”. Hema is a British Indian beauty. And yeah, the phrase sounds way better in her accent. But just try to imagine it for yourself).
Because if you’re not mad to see me again, I’m going to be the other kind of mad- the angry, not-at-all-happy kind of mad. And that’s not going to make me sit and pine and wait by the phone for you all day, and all week. It’s going to make me want to steer clear of you and move on to a guy who is much better at knowing my worth. Knowing that I am worth that phone call and that showing of interest. Because if this is how you are now- dismissive, too busy and too cool for dating school, well, THAT’S what I have to look forward to in the future if I stick around with you.
Because I know guys don’t just magically change. I am definitely not wanting to put the time into changing a guy. How exhausting. And a guy definitely doesn’t deserve to be changed. Be who you are, be exactly LIKE you are. But just know that if that person you are isn’t making time for me, and thinks this is attractive, think again.
In this stage in my life, I am so impressed by a guy who can be consistent, knowing that the way he treats me, the time he invests in me, and the effort he makes to fit me in his life shows me exactly how he views me and values me as a person.
THAT has now become number one on my list. Someone who is not afraid to show me that he chooses me.
And to those of you guys out there who have been playing this “I’ll just wait a few days or a week or whatever to call her” game, thinking it will win me over, or make me want you more. … well, I hate to break it to you, but you lost me.
Maybe that was your goal all along.
Scribble it Down 
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