May 11, 2018 at 6:57 pm (authenticity, courage, Crazy, Dating, love, Relationships, Settling, single, Standards, strength, Uncategorized, Values)
Tags: alone, Crazy, love, not lonely, Settling, single, Standards, Values
“I don’t get it. Why are you still single?”
I hear these words often. Maybe some of you do too. But they came, more recently, from a guy who I really, really liked. So when the words were followed by, “You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re a sweetheart… Is there something you’re hiding under there I don’t know about?” I smiled, I giggled, I swooned, and blushed.
I took it all in as a compliment, because surely, that’s how he intended it to come across, right?
October 20, 2016 at 9:35 pm (Uncategorized)
Gratitude Journal- Day 10- October 19, 2016.
☆ Today, I am grateful for men in the world! – You never thought I would say that, did you? Haha!
☆ To the beautiful man who showed up at the gym yesterday, making even sweat look good- Thank you! I apologize if I was stumbling over my words while you were talking to me.
☆ To the guys out there who still open doors for women, or make sure that the woman they are walking with is not on the street side of the side walk, Thank you!
☆ To the guys out there who have awesome taste in music, Thank you!
☆ To the sexy male voices out there, Thank you! It’s why songs like “Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur give me goosebumps. Man, I love that song! And the lyrics…Wow! The “Kiss on the head” and “I just want to dance with you” lines get me every time. It’s the WAY he says them. It can only come from a guy that way. Fell in love with the song and voice from the moment I heard the first line in a coffee shop the other day. Maybe even as early as the first few guitar chords.
☆ Men playing a mean guitar – that’s a whole other gratitude journal entry! Haha!
☆ To the men who know how to give the sweetest kisses on foreheads- Thank you!
☆ Thank you to all the guys who have given me goosebumps,… even when you didn’t know it.
☆ To my guy friends, thank you for being so cool and offering a male perspective on my often crazy emotional female life!
☆ To the men in my family- uncles, brother, cousins, dads, and grandfathers – Thank you!
☆ To the guy dancers out there, Thank you! Partner dancing would just not be the same without you.
☆ To the guys out there who treated me badly, Thank you! Your messing up made it certain that I didn’t end up with you- thank God for that! And it also taught me that I was not treating myself well enough by settling for you. Now I treat myself extra well, and I only make time for the guys who do too!
☆ To the guys who can look good in a simple t-shirt, jeans and baseball cap- Thank you!
☆ To the men who are comfortable with their emotions, with expressing themselves, who are creative and compassionate and understand that being a strong man doesn’t mean you have to control, or dictate, or hurt or yell or be insensitive to be a man, Thank you!
☆ To the men who are not homophobic, racist, sexist, violent, and who stand up for others- Thank you!
☆ A shout out to some of my favorite famous male artists- Paulo Coelho, all the guys in the band The Script, Sam Smith, Rob Thomas, Labrynth, Pablo Neruda, William Wordsworth, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Antonio Sabato Junior, Shemar Moore and so many more… Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
October 13, 2016 at 1:26 am (Honesty, online dating, Relationships, Uncategorized)
Tags: Don't do it, Hopeless romantic, Monogamy, Old fashioned, People Ebay, Searching, The One, truth
10 Reasons Why I Cannot Online Date:
Disclaimer; I have tried it, it didn’t work for me, but I am not mocking those who have done it or are still doing it. I …actually want to Hi-five those it worked for, because that’s what I’d love to hear. I would have loved to be proof that it does work, and I would have no qualms telling people I met the guy online. But, it just never even got past the first or second date for me, and even those were a little dicey.
1) My imagination runs wild and no matter how much I try not to, I envision the person on the profile to be something they are not. And then when I meet them, what they are, or what we are like together just doesn’t work for me.
2) The moment someone described online dating as “fun because it’s like people Ebay,” my stomach sank. I have never been a huge shopper, and shopping for people just makes people sound like they are worth less than they are. We are priceless. There is no shopping for us, got it?
3) Online dating seems to be full of people wanting non-monogamous relationships, and I think that it really encourages it. Because you could be writing to ten people at the same time online, so why not do the same in real life, right? Uggh Again, not dissing non- monogamy for those who it works for, but it’s totally not me. I do appreciate all the honesty in people’s profiles however, where they just come out and clearly say that’s what they want.
4) I’m sure that some of the “sweetest, most sensitive” responses or messages I got online were not actually from the guys who were shown in those pictures or profiles. I think they could have been women, or men that didn’t look anything like their fake photos, or married men bored of their lives. Just a hunch, anyway, especially when they don’t seem to ever have time to meet in person.
5) Many people online seem to want to write endlessly and not actually do anything in real life. I like writing but I’m not looking for a penpal. Hello???
6) When I think of how some of my friends have been on the same sites as I have been, and that we could possibly be dating the same guy at the same time, or even at different times, and not even know it, I feel totally disgusted. lol! I am looking for a romantic relationship. I don’t need to mess up my good friendships in the midst of that search.
7) I am a hopeless roman
tic who would love to meet a guy at the bank line or in a grocery store or at a coffee shop, just because it was meant to be, and not because OkCupid says we have a low enemy % compatibility. What does that even mean???
8) I am a writer and so I tend to get a little overly fascinated by online profiles NOT as possibilities of potential mates, but for possibilities for potential characters in a crazy story idea. You should read some of the stuff these people share. It makes for amazing writing material, but full-of-drama relationship material. (as in NOT relationship material at all)
9) The time I would spend looking through profiles, meeting up with dates, and learning time and time again that this is so unnatural and not me could be used on activities I love, activities I know ARE me.
10) If he’s out there, he’s going to find me, we will find each other. We don’t need a computer to search out millions to do it. I don’t want to be so tired out from all the computer searching, and online dating trials and failures that by the time I find THE ONE, I won’t have any energy or excitement to give to him.
So look out world, because someday soon, I’ll be telling you the story of how I will find my guy the old fashioned way. I hope he’s listening right now, cos I might need a little help in making it happen.
October 11, 2016 at 9:09 pm (dance, diaries, dreams, Family, Gratitude, home, Mom, Senses, Uncategorized, view)
Tags: comfort, Gratitude, moonlight, room, Sight, sound, tango, taste, touch, transcendent love, Universe, view, warmth
Gratitude Journal- Day 2- Oct. 11, 2016
☆ I was annoyed that I had to get up “too early” to go pee (I know, TMI). But as I came back towards my bed again, I saw the amazing layers of purple, pink, and blue sky the sun had created. This is the only time I would have been able to see the sky this way. And then I smiled inside as I thought, Oh, THIS is why the Universe made me get up at this time! Thank you 🙂
☆ Being mesmerized by the morning sky, I naturally opened the balcony door to get a picture. Of course, I can’t actually capture the real beauty of what I saw in one shot from my camera on my phone. Not even close. But that moment allowed me to breathe in the crisp, fresh, morning air. Oh, THAT is why the Universe had me think that I needed to take a picture. Thank you.
☆ Glasses and contact lenses. I have such horrible eyesight; it started when I was very young- maybe 5. I would have missed this beautiful view and all others if I didn’t have contacts or glasses. Thank you for the miracle of sight.
☆ Sleeping to the moonlight shining right into my room last night. I love keeping my curtains open at night and in the morning for these reasons.
☆ Tango dancing and tango music. Even when my foot was hurting last night, I could still sit and enjoy watching the beautiful dancers and take in the emotions that the music conveyed.
☆ Seeing my brother and nieces smiling and laughing and happy. Thank you, K, for the wonderful turkey dinner we all got to enjoy! It was delicious and smelled so good!
☆ Sight, sound, taste, smell… am I missing anything? Mom. I will forever be the most grateful for my Mom. And not even a sudden onset of Alzheimer’s- if that ever happens- could make me forget that. I sleep with her burgundy and blue winter wrap that she wore on most days. I just lay it on top of me and it keeps me warm and comforted. I guess that takes care of Touch,… and also Love. The endless kind. And hopefully the kind that knows no boundaries.
August 11, 2014 at 9:37 pm (connection, emotion, funny, Uncategorized)
Tags: appreciation, gift, giving, great service, shopping, surprise, tips, tipsy
I walked into a clothing store the other day, to exchange an item I had bought earlier. I got to the front desk and was standing in a line up, but I could see one of the cashiers from where I stood. He was moving at super speed- taking off security tags, ringing up a purchase, folding the shirt that his customer was buying, and bagging it. He was so quick that the woman in front of him hadn’t even pulled out her card yet to pay. I swear he had what seemed like a few seconds at least to wait for HER. And it wasn’t as if she too a long time to get into her purse and fish out her card.
I was so amazed, and when I got to the cashiers lined up in front of me, I was kind of excited to see that this same guy would be my cashier as well. I told him how impressed I was by his efficiency. He said thank you, looked me in the eyes while he did it, but was still able to wrap, bag, and ring up my sale at the same time. I laughed and just blatantly admitted that he was too fast for me.
I was fishing around for my card in my purse, and he just waited, patiently. And while I was searching, I asked him about a shirt that was hanging on a display way too high for me to reach. He actually got out from behind the desk, which was way at the back of the store, and reached the front of the store in lightning speed. He found me two sizes as I had requested. It was strange how fast he got there, because he didn’t appear to be running at all. He seemed pretty calm actually. But he just appeared, behind the desk again, like he had never left.
I couldn’t decide between the small or extra small, and he gave me a quick and subtle look up and down, and very confidently told me to get the extra small. “But what if it hugs me too much?” I asked. “I don’t want it to show off parts that I don’t need emphasizing. And isn’t it supposed to be loose anyway?”
“Yes, it is supposed to be loose,” he told me, “but you don’t want it to be so loose that it looks boxy. It should still give you some shape. Get the extra small.”
And just like that, I listened. Thankfully, I got a quick look at his name tag– Ron. Ron with glasses and blue hair. He definitely left an impression. And as I walked away, I noticed he was still at it, fast, not a second wasted.
I remember thinking, as he was packing up my stuff for me, that I wish I could give him a tip. This is the kind of service that deserves a tip. And I guess the idea was still in my head as I left.
Because something compelled me to search for the nearest Starbucks, once I was outside again. It’s not like I have money to burn on other people, especially strangers. And sometimes, I find it hard to tip at places where tips are usually expected. But I walked straight up to the cash desk at the coffee shop to ask for a gift card. It was only for five dollars, but it was definitely five dollars more than I was expecting to add to a clothing purchase, and hopefully, it was five dollars more than Ron was expecting to receive that day. If nothing else, at least he could buy himself his favorite drink.
I went back to the store that Ron worked at, waited again in a shorter line up for a cashier. Luckily, Ron was the one who I got again this time. And though he was on the phone, he looked up, and motioned to me that he was available for help. But he look a little confused, as if he wanted to say, “Where is your purchase?” I just smiled and plopped the gift card in its little envelope on the desk in front of him, and said, “I think you should get a drink.”
It was the first time I saw Ron stop for more than a few seconds, like really stop. He looked up, and his mouth opened but for the first moment, he didn’t make a sound. And then he gave me the best and biggest smile I could have asked for, and he said, “You’re awesome.”
Funny, because that’s exactly what I wrote to him on the gift card.
And as if I were the one who was given a surprise gift that day, I went on my way, skipping across the streets, feeling extremely lucky that day.
November 23, 2011 at 9:34 pm (characterization, courage, creativity, fiction, friends, funny, humor, inspiration, reading, Uncategorized, writing)
Over a month ago, I finished reading the novel The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. My friend Zahra S. recommended it to me. If she had told me beforehand what it was about, in more detail, I might not have read it, because the experiences that the main character goes through are downright disturbing, cruel, heartwrenching and at some points, I wondered how she could still be alive, or at least sane enough to write a book! Wall’s novel is a memoir that could have set me off in tears, or given me endless nightmares, or made me want to shake her parents and say, “What the heck are you doing to your daughter?” or at least put me in a state of depression for days on end, as most of these kinds of stories do.
Why not just put them down or choose something lighter, right? Or maybe you’re thinking it’s just a book, get over it! Well, some of you might be able to relate to the fact that often, it is these particular stories, especially the ones that are true or feel true, that are the kind you just can’t put down, even if you wanted to. The writing is so good, amazing at times, as is the case with Wall’s book (I highly recommend it- thanks Zahra!), and the authors have this way of pulling you in and not letting you let go, no matter how depressing or traumatic the experiences in the story. It is precisely because of these dark descriptions, and the way the author delves deep into them, that we often get lured in and can’t seem to get out until literally the bitter end.
I had made a promise to myself to put aside these kinds of books for awhile, until my heart was ready to take it again. But I didn’t end up putting down Wall’s book, even after I realized it was pretty heavy, because there was something in it that lightened it for me. It was something that alleviated the chaos and disturbance that often accompanies my reading this kind of story, something that prevented me from becoming completely shaken up and scarred by the images each chapter left in my head: this something was humor.
December 24, 2010 at 8:09 am (Uncategorized)
“We do not write in order to be understood, we write in order to understand.” – Cecil Day-Lewis
September 28, 2010 at 8:39 pm (Uncategorized)
This is a great piece that describes the relationship between reader and writer with such curiosity and creativity.
Dear Reader- from Gotham Writers’ Workshop
July 2, 2010 at 3:32 am (cards, creativity, dreams, inspiration, literature, lover of words, muse, poetry, reading, Uncategorized, writing)
Tags: beautiful world, change the world, cloud watching, courage, daydreaming, dreams, imagination, lover of words, people watching, writing
One way I jump start my creativity and inspiration for my own writing ideas is to make sure I continue to read other writers’ works. This doesn’t mean that you have to finish a whole novel or even read pages and pages of work before you dive into your own writing again. In fact, it’s probably best to keep your inspirational reading short so that you can get back to your own work (This way, you also don’t use your reading as an excuse to put aside your own writing for too long).
And it is great if you can choose a piece that models the kind of writing you aspire to, or that reminds you why writing is important to you in the first place. Sometimes, we can get so wrapped up in the mechanics of something, or our own judgement of how well we are actually carrying out this activity, whether it be writing or anything else, that we forget the original purpose of it- why we chose it and loved it in the first place.
One piece of writing that I have looked to for many, many years is a poem from a card that my dear friend Anita gave me. Her and I met at Lancaster University in 1996 where we were both doing a study abroad program. We went back to our separate homes after that year was over, but meeting Anita had a huge impact on me as a person and as a writer. And over the years, we have been able to keep in touch and see each other a couple of times.
This card sits framed on my shelf in my room, and I thought I should post it on this blog now because recently, I sent it to Anita, sensing that she needed to hear its words as well. And, the card also seems to be speaking to me more and more lately. Maybe it will speak to you too.
You Are a Lover of Words
One Day You Will Write a Book
“People turn to you because
you give voice to dreams,
notice little things, and make
otherwise impossible imaginings
appear real.
You are a rare bird
who thinks the world is beautiful enough
to try to figure it out,
who has the courage
to dive into your wild mind
and go swimming there.
You are someone
who still believes in cloud watching,
people watching,
daydreaming,
tomorrow,
favorite colors,
silver clouds,
dandelions,
and sorrow.
Be sacred.
Be cool.
Be wild.
Go far.
Words do more than plant miracle seeds.
With you writing them,
they can change the world.”
– Written by Ashley Rice- Blue Mountain Arts
July 2, 2010 at 3:04 am (Uncategorized)
I’ve never much believed in writer’s block. I always thought that with so much going on in the world, there are way too many sources of inspiration for writing. And especially recently, I seem to feel and see potential writing opportunities in almost everything around me.
But I didn’t know how to explain why there are times when the writing just pours out and I enjoy the process no matter how long it takes. While on other days, I start a piece of writing, and no matter how hard I try to work through it, no matter how much time I put into it, I just can’t get it going.
And then I come across an entry by Sarah Ban Breathnach in her book Simple Abundance in which she explains so simply that
“If a writer has a block, it’s usually because she doesn’t believe in what she’s writing.” (May 28th Entry)
That’s it.
I mean, when I look back, the times when I struggle the most on my writing is when I write something and am trying to tailor it to what other people might want to hear rather than what I actually believe. And some of my best writing has come from me pouring out my true feelings, or sharing something that is so dear to me, that I can’t even worry about what other people think. It just needs to be expressed and it comes out sounding genuine because, well… it is.
Scribble it Down 